Saturday, November 22, 2008

The Cougars Are Out They're on the way to Fame and GLory Part II

Picture it ...BYU. The Riviera Apartments late one Fall Evening. A celebration party is well underway. Capes are flying in the breeze and the phone rings. Amy answers the phone and her expression immediately reflects that ALL IS NOT WELL IN ZION. After a brief phone conversation, she hangs up, and her color goes from Nephite-white -and -delight- some to down right green. She says, that was Tad's dad and the Campus Police are at their house wanting to search the family station wagon for possible involvement in grand theft. Uh oh.

It seems a "concerned citizen" called with a tip and the license number of the car. Only in Provo are "citizens" this "concerned" with narcing each other off. Anyway, Tad was supposed to report to the MTC (yes for the 2 year mission) the NEXT day... so we could not have him in trouble with the law. Cougarageously, 4 of us decided that we would go down to the nearest campus station to give the flags back and to make things right. It seemed simple enough. Give the flag back apologize perhaps put the flag back in the spot where we found it and all was right with the world... OOOOOH NOOOOO.

We walked through the doorway and there was an officer (I don't think they are POST certified so they actually aren't officers, they are security)at a reception desk. He asked us what we needed and we said that we had taken these flags and that we would like to return them. NO joke, he literally jumped over the desk and told us to drop the flags and not to move. Then he called his superior security specialist ( I shall NOT refer to them as officers but as the SS from here on out. Do get the nuance of what I am saying?) The two SS HANDCUFFED us and put us each in our own cell! Apparently, I was armed with good looks and monkey climbing skills and totally dangerous. Then we were each interrogated individually by the SS. After that the SS allowed us our phone calls. I was too afraid to call home so I went last. The SS charged with GRAND THEFT because in Provo silk screened sheets cost upwards of 500 dollars. That's when the real punishment came. We each had to call our parents and explain the predicament. In addition we each had to pay for the flag. More than 500$ (which we did not get to keep). Since it wasn't the actual police that we turned ourselves in to we don't have records but that would be cool (kinda)Do you think I would be more of a bad-ass?

My dad was not thrilled with me. He only said a few words to me. No yelling, no swearing, no stomping, just this, "If you get kicked out of BYU don't come home." I knew he was serious. I could not be ex pulsed from his Alma mater without the family name being cursed. So when the SS said they could make it all go away if I took this deal, I jumped at it. The deal was: 100 hours of community service, and pay for the flag, and be counselled by STANDARDS, and, and, and, ... I agreed, willingly. It is only now years later I look back and think, what a bunch of overzealous anuses (anii, anos, bumholes, etc).

I served in the Adaptive Aquatics program (I actually did all my hours... trixie, cookie, candy cannot say the same). Every Tuesday and Thursday I held a child who was handicapped and swam with them in the pool. It was nice. I also met with Dr. Ward in the STANDARDS office. He counselled with me about how disappointed the UNIVERSITY was with me, every week for an hour and a half. I went and I pretended to listen, but his office was over run with these little bugs that were black and red (they kinda look like a cross between a spider and a grasshopper). There must have been hundreds and I watched them while he lectured me for a whole semester while I was on "probation". His hair was dark with no grey which was unusual because he had to have been in his 60's. He used some kind of grease in his hair to make it slick back. I think he must have used JUST FOR MEN to color it. The SS knew that there had been more students involved and desperately tried to get us to tattle on them but we really could not remember their names. Our Bishop was informed and the Elders Quorum President (my current boyfriend) was called in order to make sure the home teachers knew we were troubled souls. YOu know keep and eye on THOSE girlies. Ladies, I am here to say that a hot little climbers body and a little "naughty" goes a long way in the date department. It's not only girls who like a little danger in their partner men like it too. We were immediately the "Cool" apartment of chicks and none of us lacked for dates. Even the fuddy duddies who didn't join in on the fun.